A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"

Again, the bartender tells him that, “No, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes.” The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes and if you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your little duck beak to the bar!''

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?''

Confused, the bartender says “No!”

''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?”

 

 
 

      One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice - "Jesus is watching you!" He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again. "Jesus is watching you!" He hears it again. So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot, "Did you say that?" The parrot answers "Yes I did." So the burglar asks, "What's your name?" The parrot says "Clarence." The burglar says "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?" The parrot laughs and says, "The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus' "

 
 

So it's 2008 and technology has transformed our world.  We have built telescopes that take pictures of faraway stars and cars that can read our mind.  It's enough to make us feel pretty superior to our caveman ancestors as the Geico commercials can attest.  So why is it that the second we step in dog poop, our first reflex is to find a stick?  Maybe it's just me, but the exact nanosecond that my brain receives the message that my foot has exposed my shoe to unspeakable horrors, my eyes are feverishly scanning the horizon for a stick.  

I feel that I'm taking a bold step in bringing this issue to light.  Mainstream media refuses to address this phenomenon, and I'm sure it's not covered in school curricula.  I've heard that some people have eshewed the stick as a poop-removal device, using a water hose instead.  (Clucking my tongue...)  In a time when fresh water supplies are taxed by drought and increased demand, it is socially irresponsible to waste this precious commodity when sticks are readily available.  Besides, with the complexity of shoe tread at an all-time high, can anything really beat the stick when it comes to desullifying footwear?

Next time you step in it, put the hose down and remember this- sticks were good enough for our wooly fathers and by gum, they should be good enough for us.